do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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