I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
