my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
