Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
