Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't deserve a penis
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
