im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
