This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She bit a glass in half.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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