also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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