drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
