yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
