there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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