His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
