awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize