my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
