ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
