Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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