I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
