Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
