Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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