guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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