Sponge bath it is.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
