Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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