When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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