i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
