You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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