I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
