You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
