I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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