why didn't you poke me back
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
