dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
