Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
