That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
