omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
