Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
