drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
