First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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