Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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