I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize