i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
