you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
