areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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