I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
