i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
