did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She said her name was "party"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
