Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
