While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
