she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
