Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
