Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
