even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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