I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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