its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
