Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
