he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
