we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
