she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize