I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
