South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize