he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
