I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize