Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
