I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
