): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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