I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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