My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
