when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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