I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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