It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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