Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
