I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
