I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize