Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
