i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize