just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
