Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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