That's intense
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
