since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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