drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
