Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
