You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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