The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
