Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
