it was like his penis was on wheels.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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